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I have experienced heartbreaking moments as a mother, especially from my oldest son. Some days it feels like he is hurting me on purpose, but then I realize what it must be like for him. He has had his heartbroken once again and I can do nothing to make it better. Do you know how hard that is, to watch them fall apart from afar. He went camping over the weekend and he and his girlfriend broke up. He seems heartbroken. I wish there was something I could do to help.

You see, my son tries to be the tough guy. He wasn't always like that, but has grown into that type of young man. I know I haven't been a perfect mom, but I have tried damn hard. I know he loves me, but sometimes I wonder. He used to be my little man and thought I ruled the world. Remembering when all that stopped is heartbreaking. He has emotionally cut me off and I can't stand it.

Part of the reason he has cut me off is to protect himself. He was devastated when I was diagnosed with MS. He was 17 and hadn't completely cut me out. After I came home from the hospital from my initial attack, everything changed. I know he has a hard time dealing with it, but it's a fact of our life. He doesn't realize the devastation he causes, creates more problems for me. We have grown farther apart over the last 2 years and I hate it.

I try and be there when he needs me, but that has become very rare. I wish I had a crystal ball, so he could see beyond today. This is why I say watching your kids grow up can be heartbreaking.

Well, auntie told me yesterday she is not going back to the rheumatologist. I was so happy to hear her say those words. I was really concerned she would want to go back to that doctor. They almost killed her, so that got to her and she realized they weren't watching out for her best interest.

There is no way they should have missed the signs something bad was happening to her. We were at the rheumatologist and the regular doctor the Monday before she went into the hospital. If you look up the symptoms for methotrexate toxicity, it defines hers to a T. It makes me wonder about the whole lot of them.

Thankfully, she is do so much better. She went and got her hair done on Friday, so that made her feel even better. I am going to go see her later. Hubby went over this morning to check on her and she was doing just fine. He did a few things for her and she was good to go.

I was finally able to bring my aunt home from the hospital/rehab yesterday. She was so glad to gewt out of that place. She didn't mind it as bad as the last time she was there, but there's no place like home. She also looked a 100 times better than she did when we go her out of the hospital in October.

I have a new list of medications to memorize now. A lot of them are still the same, but some have been modified. It all basically boiled down to they were killing her with the medications she was taking. I am trying to figure out what course of action I should suggest to her because she is more even tempered than I am.

She knows she needs to switch rheumatologists, but I doubt she will. Thanks to this doctor, she has to wear a nitro patch and requires oxygen at night. They only have her on one rheumatoid arthritis (RA) drug right now. I have been so mad I can't see straight.

The up side is she is doing remarkably well. Her voice is back, the wound on her belly is healed, and the double vision is gone. All of these things were caused by methotrexate, which she has been on for years. She also has a twinkle back in her eyes. It is so good to hear her laugh again and not sound so hopeless. I was very worried about her.

Well, I just figured I would put in an update for anyone who may be following this blog.

My frustration with the medical community is growing rapidly. My aunt is recovering from her initial issues that landed her in the hospital. Unfortunately, now she has pneumonia. I talked to her this evening and she still sounded better than she has in weeks, but she still needs some recovery time. I feel the doctors should have seen this coming and been able to lessen the damage.

They did a bone marrow aspiration on her yesterday and they said it showed improvement. Her EKG and some blood work have come back normal too. The last time we went to the doctor was last Monday and she saw the physician’s assistant. I think he may have missed something, but she probably isn’t easy to diagnose. She tends to tell the whole laundry list of health problems, instead of the issues pertaining to this visit.

Oh well, she likes her doctors. I don’t have to like them, but I will make sure they do right by her.

Well, I'm not quite sure where we are at this point with my elderly ward. She went to the dr last week and they said her sinuses were draining and they put her on antibiotics. She finished those on Friday and she still isn't better. She actually seems worse. I have been so busy over the past week, I haven't noticed some issues. Mind you, I will do anything she asks, but she has to ask because I'm not a mind reader.

She has passed me around to other in need and I haven't complained, but yesterday she told her friend something that pissed me off. She told her I am taking over her life. Her friend told her she was full of it and she said she was just kidding. I guess my sense of humor is gone because I didn't find it funny.I have done things for her I never expected to do for someone who didn't raise me or some other closer relationship.

I enjoy the time I spend with her and she is fun to be around when she is feeling well. She won't go back to the dr until her appt. on Thur. I called them today and told them her latest status. Keeping my fingers crossed, but starting to lose more feeling.

Better go for now, my computer is junk and I have to restore it.